Thursday, March 1, 2012

One Sucky Mom

Guess what?  I'm kind of a sucky mom sometimes.  I don't do things right or when they need done or sometimes at all.  I don't make everyone happy all the time.

Guess what else?  Every day I get a huge hug and a kiss from each of my kids, and at least once a week, out of the blue, totally unprovoked, one of them will tell me:
"You're the best Mommy I've ever had."

I'm not sure what they think they're comparing me to, but I'll take it.  It really makes me reflect and appreciate the fact that I've set the bar for their expectations of me so low.  I'd be flat-out exhausted right now if I'd actually rocketed out full effort only to find out they'd have been satisfied with this half-assed version of their ragamuffin mommy the whole time.

Dial it back, ladies...dial it back.  Your kids may actually let you get away with less than you think.  If they're still young enough it may not be too late for you to slow it down a notch.

Now, if I could just get my husband to say I'm the best wife he's ever had, I'd be set.

Also, it turns out I'd rather be ONE LONE SUCKY MOM than a ONE MILLION MOM-MOM...and I'm having a seriously hard time stopping laughing about that.  This increasingly public attention-getting group from is vigilantly on the watch for anything that, through media, exploits children...supposedly.  Digging deeper into their website, however, one will find a laundry list of issues that are hammering away at the sanctity of our homes, the decency of America itself, and the corresponding pre-printed emails that I can click on in order to send an action notice straight to the heads of the companies they are wishing to extort blackmail influence by having the One Million Moms voice their collective opinion.

There are not actually a million moms total in the million moms' membership.  I don't know exactly how many, because we didn't take roll at the last meeting.  I do know that they're a charity, so they get tax exempt status...that means someone's writing off their morning trips to wait...does Starbucks let gay people in now, or did One Million Moms get the CEO to ban them with last week's email?  I can't keep track.

Here are some things that I'm not supposed to support and why, and that I'm thinking about supporting more BECAUSE OMM's says not to:

  • Toys-R-Us, because there's a new Archie & Jughead comic that has two gay dudes gettin' married.  I'm tracking one of these down because it's going to be a collector's item if T-R-U caves to those bitches.
  • Clorox, for a Liquid Plumr commercial that's "too sexy" and "also may have" a produce sign for 69 cent cucumbers.  Yes please.  My drains are a little sluggish.
  • ABC and Disney for the new show GCB - they flexed their muscle to get the name changed from Good Christian Bitches to Good Christian Belles, but wants it to go away all together because of how it portrays Christians.  Hmmmm....paranoid?  Watchin' it...buying 12 of everything I see in the commercials.
  • Lifetime & Parent company A&E - Lifetime contains PORN in its movies.  Tell my husband.  He's been waiting FOREVER to see a boob.
  • JC Penney, for choosing Ellen as their spokesperson, cuz' she's a homo.  If you don't like Ellen, you're the Devil.
  • Macy's, for having a 2-groom wedding cake topper on the back page ad for wedding registries.  I could use some new flatware....Think I'll look up a random two-dude registry and gift them something, just because.
  • Mattel, for considering a Kardashian Barbie doll line.  Ok, this one is legit.  Nobody wants to see that project make it to reality.
  • Jenny Craig, for the Mariah Carey ad where she was too suggestively dressed.  I have personal reasons for not supporting Jenny Craig.  Mostly because I love being fat.
  • Disney & Target, each for their part in supporting programs aimed at reducing teen suicide related to LGBT bullying.  As much as young people sometimes piss me off...I don't think that there being less of them on this planet is really the answer. 

You'll have to keep up with the rest of it yourself, it's really a full time job, and that GCB that's writing off her trips to Starbucks on her taxes really deserves it because she is busting her hump to keep up on all the notifications, letter writing campaigns, lists of CEO names and addresses, etc. etc. etc., it's a good thing she has Jesus on her side.

Except I don't think they do.  I have a lot (maybe not a million, but a few) actual Christian Mom friends who don't have to be cyber bullies to get their point across.  They're just regular gals who don't need to be meanie heads to act nice.  I'm not speaking for them, I'm just ONE SUCKY MOM.

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