Wednesday, March 14, 2012

I Can't Count On One Hand...

I can no longer count on one hand how old my youngest son is.  He has passed over to the land of this many:

Jesus. There are moms everywhere who are clearly
more skilled than me at EVERYTHING.
 Okayyyy. I get it. Showoffy bitches.
We had ourselves a little birthday party last weekend to celebrate, and the one thing that I have insisted on pretty much every year is making my kiddos' cakes.  I'm not particularly skilled at it, I just think it makes up a bit for my full-time working mom status that though I'm not around all the time making memories during the week, at least I can do a bit more than order a memorable cream-cheese filling in a Costco cake.

This is not to demean anyone who orders a Costco cake for their kids at all.  They're delicious.  I'm just saying this is my thing between me and my kids that I'm hoping they'll have a good memory about, that's all.  Nothing else.

I had asked Clayton for inspirational ideas several times leading up to his birthday, so one morning a week before the event was going to be no exception, but it was early and he was tired.  I was about to ask him and he showed me something interesting.  He showed me his finger.  THE finger.  The middle finger.  The bird.  Without talking.  Here it is:
What? Oh, yeah...I'm THAT mom...the one who
made her kid flip her off AGAIN for the sake
of her blog. You're welcome that I'm such an
awful mom and you're not.

It was so interesting I had to ask him about it.  I said in my calmest, most un-freaking out soothing, nurturing mother voice, "Oh, what's that, Sweetie?"  When what I was thinking in my head was "What the HELL little asshole on the playground with moral-less parents has corrupted you and showed you THAT little gem?!"

He responded with a sleepy sniffle, "It's my unicorn, Mommy...isn't it beeyoootiful?"

Stunned, I asked him who showed him that, who told him to do it, the whole nine yards of motherly interrogatories....and he readily admitted that he and Esten had stayed up and done shadow puppets and that he also did....a rabbit and a butterfly.  He copped to making the unicorn up by himself.  When I asked why he didn't use his pointer finger for the horn he looked at me like I was speaking Russian.

"Duh, Mom....because then the unicorn wouldn't be able to talk...where would it's mouth be? [while wiggling and pointing to his thumb and other fingers]... Sometimes you say the silliest're so funny."
I realized I was making a big deal out of nothing so I asked him one more thing.  "Clayton, I love your unicorn so much, and I think it's so special, would you promise only to show it to me and nobody else?  Could it be our secret?  Like especially don't show it to anybody at school?  Or Grandma?"

"I pwomith."

And with that deal sealed we got dressed and went on with our day and the unicorn hasn't been spotted since, except me asking him to do it so I could show you.  He gave me his idea for a Yoda and Darth Maul cake (which I vetoed) and I ultimately went with a Buzz Lightyear theme because he'd been pretty consistent in coming back to Toy Story when talking about what he wanted for his birthday anyway.  He ended up helping with the cake, which was a giant pain in the fanny (as usual) because I got my inspiration last minute, and because I always fly by the seat of my pants, and because, as I said before, I am not a professional or even novice-hobby cake maker.  When all was said and done, however....I think I did do a pretty good job of cementing this big number six birthday into my littlest boy-child's head with a sweet treat that he will remember, and I owe him that for all the memories he's left in my head this year, right?

No aliens were harmed in the eating of this cake.
I sure hope so....I'm kind of banking on this to undo a ton of crap I'm probably doing wrong as a jumping to conclusions and not fully appreciating the true innocence of the first time you get flipped off by your kids.  Or the second time you make them do it, just so you can take their picture for the sake of entertaining your friends and creating a little on-line memory book of sorts for them.  It is for their own good in the long run....right?  Right?

No comments:

Post a Comment