Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Facebook Rewind, Part 2

A quick and dirty sampling of posts from Facebook for anyone who is lucky enough to be a holdout to that psychotic world...you done better than me.  I'm addicted.  It's the only way for me to feel an instant connect to some of my besties from long ago that now are physically a world away or other moms who don't have time or energy to have an actual telephone (or in person) conversation these days.  Anyhoo - this is just the followup to the first Facebook Rewind, quotes and such from the boys...really just funny stuff I want not to forget.  Thought you might enjoy too.  If you make it through the list there's a visual reward for you at the end.  If you know Esten on a personal level, it may just change your view a bit.

September 10, 2010
It's RODEO time!! Getting duded up this AM for school Esten told me there are cowBOYS and cowGIRLS and they are different. When I asked how, he replied, "duh, Mom, cowBOYS have pee pees." Oh, right. Forgot.

September 18, 2010
Got Dad settled in back home from the hospital, packing up to go on a trip for work, Esten had his first meltdown about it. "I don't want you to go, why can't Chamatoogy be closer to Lewiston!?"

December 13, 2010
Asked Esten what was best/worst about the weekend. Best: "Sledding at Grandma Bucky's on the awesome jump daddy made." Worst: "When Santa breathed in my face. It was the worst and I think the clue was something he ate for breakfast."

December 15, 2010
Yesterday was Jason's birthday, which Clayton refused to believe all day until I brought home cake. He insisted it was "God's birthday". Grandma corrected him, "no, that's Christmas, and it's Jesus's birthday". Before bed Esten was holding the candle from the cake and Clayton warned him, "don't eat Jesus and Daddy's candle, I did that once and it was gross."

December 23, 2010
Two more days...can we make it? Clayton says it's "tho thuper hard to be tho good aww duh time dat thumtymth I-I-I- jutht need a wittow bwake".

January 2, 2011
Esten, trying to put peanut butter on bread: "Mom, could you finish spreading this, because I learned how to in high school but I forgot. I'm kidding Mom, I didn't go to high school, but I did stay at Holiday Inn last night. Kidding again Mom, I stayed in my room last night. I didn't run away in case you were worried." Thanks, I wasn't worried before, but I am a little now.

January 17, 2011
(Esten on Martin Luther King Jr. Day) "It's the birthday of a guy you don't know, Mom. His name was Martin Luther King, and he liked fairness. And this girl with black skin went to school but there wasn't any other kids there, but finally all the kids came back to school, but I think it was because their mom and dad's arms were so tired from carrying the signs. That girl had black skin like my friend Tierra who moved to Chicago, I miss her."

January 24, 2011
As we pull up to the house where Esten's buddy's b-day party is, he says "Mom! I have to go poop!" I told him he could either go there or we could go home first since it was so close. He said "uh, wait, no, I don't think I need to go poop, I think my butt just felt like...like I was afraid of the dog".

January 29, 2011
Boys had KFC for the first/last time last night. Esten refused to eat his chicken leg because there was a bone in it. When I started pulling the meat off and promised no bones were on his plate he still refused, "but MOM, you're not even a DOCTOR!"

January 30, 2011
Me: "No, Esten you don't have to go to Church with Grandma if you don't want to, but can you tell me WHY you don't want to?"Esten: "Come ON, Mom...can I PLEASE just have ONE day for the week that I don't have to put pants on?!"Me: "yes, yes you can, I understand completely."

From the dentist's treasure box, Esten chose a chalk board and Clayton chose a flashlight key chain. A few days later Esten wrote this:

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Her Son Is Gay...Or Not

Way back last fall, a blogger mom wrote about her five-year-old son who relentlessly begged her to let him be Daphne from Scooby Doo for Halloween.  He wasn't normally a wear dresses kind of kid, but he and his bestie girl friend were super excited about being these characters this year.  She gave him ample opportunity to change his mind, mostly out of the normal motivation of any mom not wanting to go last minute to the store with a kid to pick from what's left over from the vultures.  The ensuing treatment of her child prompted her to speak out against what flabbergasted her and really opened my eyes as a fellow mom of boys this age.  This caught my attention for a few reasons.  It was in the news, and typically blogs aren't newsworthy.  She had spoken out because she was prepared and gently braced her son for other kids to jab him for the skirt and purple sparkle tights that were part of his costume.  Thing was the kids thought nothing of it until direction was set by the adults at the "Christian" preschool he attended.  It was the PARENTS who had no problem pointing, gasping, and making this kid feel like he was doing something wrong.  They accused the mom of "allowing him to grow up to be gay".  She retorted with accusing them of "allowing their kids to grow up to be ninjas" and pointed out nobody had a problem with the girls who chose Batman costumes.  Her screen name was also CopWife, so she pretty much had my heart.

Her Church forced her to apologize to the moms who, though not specifically named in her blog, were "libeled and slandered against", and that the Church felt she was walking a thin line with her blog and may possibly be promoting gayness and they thought she ought to take it down or at least publish a clarification on her (the Church's) position.  After all, she had made the statement in her original post that if her son DOES grow up to be gay she will love him all the same.

The reason this strikes so strong a chord with me at this particular time is that my "home" church is embroiled in a congregation-dividing issue of its own.  A Lutheran church, it's part of the Evangelical Lutheran Church of America (the other "governing" mothership is the Missouri Synod).  The ELCA made the earth shattering move to allow "practicing gays" - those who are open and honest about their orientation and who are most often in long term monogamous relationships - lead congregations.  Some of the members of our local church LOST THEIR MINDS when they found out about this, including my mother, who loves to tell me all about how upset she is about it over breakfast almost every morning.  It was SUCH an issue for these people, in fact, that they decided to have a VOTE on whether to even be PART of the ELCA anymore, which only interested me insofar as to wonder who was going to re-carve the sign out in front of the church.  Let's be honest.  EVANGELICAL LUTHERAN CHURCH OF AMERICA is a long word, and whoever carved it the first time is going to be pissed off if he's not already dead which is actually more likely given the average age of the congregation there.

It just really sickens me that someone who is otherwise so kind, can hold a hatred for someone or something they don't even know.  And yet I held my tongue, not standing up for CopWife's Daphne kid to people like my mom....until after Christmas.  I will not get into detail because any at all would reveal the person I am talking about and it's not my wish to cause anyone embarrassment because I really do consider this person such a great great friend even though I haven't seen them for years....
MomIs so-and-so married?  I saw them today with their parents.
MeNo, they're gay.
Mom:  Deer in headlights look.
Jason:  Deer in headlights look that I just said the word gay in front of my mom.
MomBut they didn't seem like there was anything wrong with them when you guys were growing up.
MeThere's nothing wrong with them now.  They are highly educated and have a very lucrative job in a large city in another part of the country.
MomWere they like that when they were younger?
MeThey have always been like that.
Mom:  In a total stupor realizing that she has actually known an actual gay person for some 30 years that she thought was a good person and not a slimy shady deviant Devil worshipper.
Jason:  Thinking he is in a dream because that conversation could NOT just have happened.
I have been given the blessed and highest responsibility of turning two innocents into adults out into this world.  So far they have both (Esten by default in his more numerous experiences) surprised me in their insight and wisdom for their short little years.  They are tolerant, color blind, loving, ask questions of the ridiculous things adults do to one another.  I hope I can keep them on this track as long as possible without confusing them with the ideals of this tainted "Christianity" that I frankly am not approving of.

CopWife's church is threatening to kick her out, refuse her communion and revoke her membership.  I haven't heard how that vote came out at "our" church.  Depending on what it is, I don't know that it will be "our" church anymore.  It's a great place, but in the end it is just a building, and at coffee hour the old ladies are really nice...so long as they think you're straight.  I just want to be 100% sure that they'd be just as nice to Esten and Clayton if they grew up and flew out of the closet in giant hot pink feather boas waving their jazz hands.

Or to me, for that matter, if I invited Ellen DeGeneres to Lewiston for a slumber party and to do a guest sermon on Sunday.  At least it wouldn't be the snooze-fest we have now....and I'm pretty sure Ellen's never molested an altar boy or a boyscout.  Ever.

Saturday, February 5, 2011


Little things happen in my life that make me feel like I just woke up from a coma.  An exchange of emails at work today ended with this one, though I won't bore you with specifics that might also leak high-security-clearance-top-government-secrets:

From: kaylee.mcbubblegumpants
To: heather.lee
Subject: my earlier moronic question that I could have figured out myself but didn't

Hey Heather!!

Thanks a super bunch, that was soooo fast!  What you said makes total sense, and I will get right on fixing that.  Sorry to bother you with this today.  YOU ROCK!!!
So my coma didn't really end today perse, but when I went to work at my current employer I noticed an overwhelming number of the employees used this "YOU ROCK" thing all the time.  Basically it is used in lieu of "Thank You", "Thanks a Bunch", "I Appreciate Your Help", "You Deserve A Promotion", or "Wow, You're Way Smarter/Nicer Than That Witch That Sits Next To You".  When I heard it from someone outside the company, I started thinking maybe I had been living UNDER that rock.

I spent a good portion of my life, which I'll  never get back, at a job surrounded by men.  I can say with authority I never heard any of them say "You Rock" to me nor to each other.  When they weren't looking out for one another to keep from being eaten alive by a piece of machinery, they were cussing each other out or punching one another in the crotch.  I am thankful to them for having prepared me for having two boys, though I must say the majority of them were grandpas but left their ages at the door.  I am also thankful that they excluded me from participation in the crotch punching games, even if they only did so because they knew I would have won.  Every time.

So did "You Rock" become a catch phrase among the popular kids while my ostrich head was buried in the sand at that testosterone factory?  Or is it some cultish propaganda generated by the corporate suits to foster a hip environment?  Whatever it is, I'm not buying it.  It's just not me.  Seriously, if you know me - can you even IMAGINE me saying, "HEY! YOU ROCK!"?  No.  Not happening.

I do not "rock".  Ask anyone.  AC/DC?  Like fingernails on a chalkboard to me.  Can't stand them.  Metallica?  Fell asleep at the concert with my ear plugs in.  I have Conway Twitty and Keith Whitley (God rest both their souls) in my CD player at work.  I listen to most country artists on their first albums before they make their 2nd run at being popular and the rest of them well after their carcasses have rotted in the ground.  Which, by the way, I think "He Stopped Loving Her Today" is one of the sweetest, saddest love songs ever.

Okay so whoever doesn't know who did that little piece of musical history can stop reading now.  My point is just this:  People ending their calls and emails with "YOU ROCK!" makes about as much sense to me as saying "YOU HAVE HERPES!"  It shows you clearly know nothing about me and while I appreciate you owning your cheerleaderesque attitude, it's a bit annoying.

Before you go saying, "WHAAAADA BITCH", rest assured.  I am a very nice person.  I don't have too many friends for a reason, I'm selective.  I like to weed out the fakeys, the posers, the clingers, the liars, the backstabbers, and the brain-drains.  What's left is a heartful of genuine friends who I can be myself with, and who are probably reading this saying:
"Kaylee McBubblegumpants did NOT know who she was messing with, did she?  Poor thing."
And to those people I just say this:  I love you guys.  You Rock.  Eww, it just feels so wrong....but I DO love you.