Saturday, February 5, 2011


Little things happen in my life that make me feel like I just woke up from a coma.  An exchange of emails at work today ended with this one, though I won't bore you with specifics that might also leak high-security-clearance-top-government-secrets:

From: kaylee.mcbubblegumpants
To: heather.lee
Subject: my earlier moronic question that I could have figured out myself but didn't

Hey Heather!!

Thanks a super bunch, that was soooo fast!  What you said makes total sense, and I will get right on fixing that.  Sorry to bother you with this today.  YOU ROCK!!!
So my coma didn't really end today perse, but when I went to work at my current employer I noticed an overwhelming number of the employees used this "YOU ROCK" thing all the time.  Basically it is used in lieu of "Thank You", "Thanks a Bunch", "I Appreciate Your Help", "You Deserve A Promotion", or "Wow, You're Way Smarter/Nicer Than That Witch That Sits Next To You".  When I heard it from someone outside the company, I started thinking maybe I had been living UNDER that rock.

I spent a good portion of my life, which I'll  never get back, at a job surrounded by men.  I can say with authority I never heard any of them say "You Rock" to me nor to each other.  When they weren't looking out for one another to keep from being eaten alive by a piece of machinery, they were cussing each other out or punching one another in the crotch.  I am thankful to them for having prepared me for having two boys, though I must say the majority of them were grandpas but left their ages at the door.  I am also thankful that they excluded me from participation in the crotch punching games, even if they only did so because they knew I would have won.  Every time.

So did "You Rock" become a catch phrase among the popular kids while my ostrich head was buried in the sand at that testosterone factory?  Or is it some cultish propaganda generated by the corporate suits to foster a hip environment?  Whatever it is, I'm not buying it.  It's just not me.  Seriously, if you know me - can you even IMAGINE me saying, "HEY! YOU ROCK!"?  No.  Not happening.

I do not "rock".  Ask anyone.  AC/DC?  Like fingernails on a chalkboard to me.  Can't stand them.  Metallica?  Fell asleep at the concert with my ear plugs in.  I have Conway Twitty and Keith Whitley (God rest both their souls) in my CD player at work.  I listen to most country artists on their first albums before they make their 2nd run at being popular and the rest of them well after their carcasses have rotted in the ground.  Which, by the way, I think "He Stopped Loving Her Today" is one of the sweetest, saddest love songs ever.

Okay so whoever doesn't know who did that little piece of musical history can stop reading now.  My point is just this:  People ending their calls and emails with "YOU ROCK!" makes about as much sense to me as saying "YOU HAVE HERPES!"  It shows you clearly know nothing about me and while I appreciate you owning your cheerleaderesque attitude, it's a bit annoying.

Before you go saying, "WHAAAADA BITCH", rest assured.  I am a very nice person.  I don't have too many friends for a reason, I'm selective.  I like to weed out the fakeys, the posers, the clingers, the liars, the backstabbers, and the brain-drains.  What's left is a heartful of genuine friends who I can be myself with, and who are probably reading this saying:
"Kaylee McBubblegumpants did NOT know who she was messing with, did she?  Poor thing."
And to those people I just say this:  I love you guys.  You Rock.  Eww, it just feels so wrong....but I DO love you.

No comments:

Post a Comment