Thursday, February 2, 2012

Hush, Let the Grownups Talk Now

I learn a lot from other people's kids.  Sometimes I don't even know the other people.  I just encounter their kids.  I'm forced to imagine the parents.  I usually don't waste my time imagining once I have to bother with the kids.  Teenagers and young adults, in particular, have been keeping me on my toes in the 'looking toward the future years' as to how I'm going to handle my boys and their ever-growing efforts in independent thought and attitude.

I had an especially spirited political exchange thanks to Facebook and a common friend that one young man, (whom I will call, for our purposes and to protect his identity, TURD FERGUSON), and I share.  My friend shared a link to a politician's speech where he made a position statement that she disagreed with, and pleaded with her friends to "Please not vote for this IDIOT."  One of her friends posted a feeling that the statement was taken out of context and it was "not what he meant to say", and that when the speech was viewed in its entirety he came off as a really nice guy.


I commented: "I'm just sure [X] and [Y]'s dear mothers are off somewhere together enjoying a cup of tea, reminiscing about their youth, and how they both so regret not getting those abortions when they had the chance."

So, appropriately, TURD FERGUSON - who is a college student, and who secondarily works the swing shift as a pizza cook AND delivery driver, so thusly is qualified and who is so clearly eager to vote in his first election responded to my post:

"Speak for your own family, Heather. [friend #1] is spot on; if you hear a quote that sounds horrible, it's probably out of context, so go and look up the speech around it. Otherwise, you're liable to seem as stupid as those who made the videos want you to be."

I'd rather talk to an obnoxious fake Burt Reynolds than this tool.
(SNL: duh, or you're a Commie. NBC/Broadway Video)

I forgot, through the years, just how dumb little boys can be.  I've obviously been a grownup too long.  My statement, directed to my friend (and her loving tolerance/sometimes appreciation of my twisted sense of humor) had been interpreted by him as my hard line stance on this single video, and my vagina ownership simply cried out for me to be put in my womanly place (if not kicked in my womanly parts).  It was his duty to do it, and do it he did.  Haaaaa...right.

"I am speaking for my family, [TURD]...and for my friends who deserve better than having a homophobe or someone who wants to make my uterus his business running our country. I could care less about a sentence in a video. I've heard ALL their pointless speeches. Don't like my humor? Sorry. Think my friends got my point, though. I can't WAIT for Gingrich's moon colony - I know exactly who all should go live there."

Really.  That part is 100% totally true.  More 100% even than McDonald's beef.  I hope they start blasting people off to the moon WAY before 2020.  Let's fire that rocket up next week, people.

"Glad you missed my point so broadly: first off, my comment was meant as a jab at your family, aka maybe your mother should have aborted you, which brings me to my main point: wishing death on someone who hasn't gone out of their way to rape, pillage, or otherwise end people's lives puts you in the same boat as whatever scumbag you're defiling."
"P.S. Did you vote for [Z]? Because everything you listed against [X] applies to him as well. Jussayin'"

P.S.??  I think this kid has a crush on me now.  I haven't gotten a P.S. from a boy since 5th grade!  Jussayin??  Slow down, Hot Rod...I'm married.

For the record, I did not wish death on anyone, I didn't even say I wished they had never been born.  I suggested their mothers might wish they had never been born.  I suggested their mothers might be wishing that while sharing a cup of tea, which is a delightful and coming-together of opponents idea.  I thought it quite lovely, in fact.

This whole incident taught me a valuable lesson.  I will instill in my children that while they should be proud that we live in a country where we can enjoy the freedom to engage in lively expression of our political freedom of choice and celebrate our differences, if I EVER catch wind of them talking to an old lady like this kid did, they are going to be SO grounded.  I should tell his mom on him.  I will also make sure my children are crystal clear on the fact that nobody, and by that I mean NOBODY will take you seriously if you have a shirtless profile picture, so put on some Goddamn clothes if you want to sass-talk me.

Oh, plus....I have a blog and YOoooOUU don't, so suck it, Turd Ferguson.

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