Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Permissive Parental Deception

We are liars.  Total liar-liar-pants-on-fires.  As parents, we lie to our kids CONSTANTLY, but hope that they'll be open and honest with us in return.  We do it because they have questions we can't answer and we don't want to look stupid.  We want them to think we know everything.  When these two yahoos hit their teens we are going to be paid back tenfold for the B.S. we try to feed them on a daily basis.  The boys and I had our 6 month visit to the dentist yesterday.  Esten wasn't super excited, except to get to pick a toy from the treasure chest.  Said toys don't survive long around our place, as Jason and I are both continually on the lookout for junky/broken toys to toss behind their backs.  Clayton wasn't so sure that even the prospect of a toy was enough to warrant letting "dat guy" poke around in his mouth again.  And so began my weaving of the tapestry of lies surrounding their pearly whites...

Esten, being ever alert to what is going on with his cousins, has been oh so excited that he finally has a loose tooth.  London and Hannah have already gotten those coveted visits by the Tooth Fairy.  This introduction to someone who delivers money right to your bed is, well, let's just say Esten's going to be an old man with a fat bank account someday.  He is OBSESSED with money.

So in trying to explain how important the dentist's role is in how Esten's financial future would pan out, I explained that the Tooth Fairy will only pay you for your teeth if they are sparkly white.  She has to fly them high up in the sky to be stars, and well, if they're dirty they wouldn't do any good in lighting up the night sky so she would just leave them and not cash you out.  This little story was enough to shut them both up and be ultra-cooperative gentlemen for at least the next 2 hours.  It may not seem like much, but I'll take it.

But it got me thinking about just how much I deceive these sweet, innocent, trusting little beings.  How can one who loves these children unconditionally be so deceptive?  Emotional bubble wrap is for their own good, right?  My answer is a resounding Y-E-S.  However, I don't think it is enough that we make this crap up and rest on our laurels about it.  Eventually they'll call us out on it.  We need a plan B, just in case.  I'm sure ours will include some "after" pictures of some meth junkie.

The lesson is this:  Parents, get your stories straight now.  It's your only hope of maintaining loyalty and avoiding a mutiny from your scurvy crew.  They DO have swords, or at least light sabres.

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